if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
