Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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