it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
