Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
