My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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