dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
