I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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