You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize