i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
