Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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