im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
