the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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