Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize