it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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