i just google imaged poop.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
