Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize