He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
