are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
