biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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