Moan for me like Helen Keller
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
