No awkward lesbian experiences without me
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
