he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Hippo gnu deer
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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