i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
