yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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