apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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