I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
