Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
