I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
