Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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