butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
