: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
