I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
