I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
