true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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