Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
