she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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