So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
