i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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