She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well I just put wine in my tea
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
