I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
