His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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