I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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