I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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