I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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