i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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