Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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