I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
