Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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