Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
