She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
