my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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