now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
