Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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