Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
