I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
