And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
