Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
