Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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