Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
