Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
