That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
