If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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