my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
