i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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