If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
