I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
