maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
