Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
only if we run a train.
done.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
