U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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