Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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