my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
