I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
