FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
