I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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