Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I could make wine with my vomit
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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