when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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