We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
