I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
