guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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