Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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